Relationship coach reveals how to get over or how to get your ex back - including 30 days of "love rehab" zero contact

A relationship coach advises how to get over or get back with your ex - by going no contact with them for 30 days which she dubs doing "love rehab". Sabrina Bendory, 37, says the 30 days of no contact make the person evaluate what they want one way or the other - then "putting their all" into getting their former partner back or moving on from the relationship entirely. During the zero contact period, women should "take an inventory" to see if the ex is worthy of getting back, and write down a list of the three must-have qualities a romantic partner should have and three deal-breakers. Taking time away from the "love drug" allows women to find themselves again and step away from unhealthy, obsessive habits and emotional distress. Sabrina spent years obsessing over her ex-boyfriend, Eric Charles, 40, when they broke up in 2006. She claims her "unhealthy obsession" led her to get back in touch with him two years after their break up "to make him jealous" in 2008. But they didn't get back together instead, Eric told Sabrina she should start writing about her experiences and give advice to other women. The pair - who remain friends - started a platform called 'A New Mode' together for men and women to offer their advice on different dating problems. Once Sabrina had "worked on herself" and spent a summer "following her own rules", she reunited with another ex - her high school sweetheart Alon Bendory, 38. They married in September 2015 and now have three kids, aged two, four and six. Sabrina, an author and relationship coach based in Long Island, New York, US, said: "I was sick of being at the mercy of men and feeling disempowered. "I contacted Eric and tried to make him jealous by talking about all the guys who were after me, but it didn't have the intended effect. "Instead, he suggested I wrote about it and shared my knowledge with other women, then we launched our platform in February 2009. "You have to think of yourself as being in rehab, love is a drug and creates chemical reactions in the brain, just like someone who is detoxing on drugs, they crave a hit. "Someone in a relationship craves that hit too, but anytime you check back up on him your setting yourself back." Sabrina's no-contact rule means you shouldn't contact or check up on your ex for at least 30 days to learn to fulfil yourself independently. "You shouldn't text them, talk to them or check up on their social media," she said. "Love is a drug and you should think of yourself as being in rehab. "It's like someone who is detoxing from drugs." "They want that hit to make them feel better but you must visualise a clock every time you chat or check up on them you're going backwards." According to the relationship coach, some women will take longer than 30 days and they should only get back in touch until they no longer feel devastated at the prospect of not being with their ex. Next, Sabrina advises women to "notice their thoughts" and "rewire their obsession". She said: "If you think 'I miss him' and 'I love him', you need to analyse what you miss. "You miss the connection which is a separate need from the person. "Then you can ask yourself how else you can find that connection through your family, friends and self. "You should do something that makes you feel alive and shift the focus off him and onto you." The coach also advised how to stop the 'obsessive loop' of feelings of fear, insecurity and anxiety by shifting your mind into a more productive place. "When you have a thought you must think: 'Does this serve me well?'" she said. "If the thought is can I get him back, you need to stop and think - 'I will find a person that is right, I will find a relationship I want.' "Focus on a vacation you're going on or a concert you're looking forward to to stop the obsessive thoughts holding you hostage." During the zero contact period, women should 'take an inventory' to see if the ex is worthy of getting back, and write down a list of the three 'must-have' qualities a romantic partner should have and three 'deal-breakers'. She said: "Our heart leads us into all different kinds of places but we need to have guidelines. "Choosing who we want to share our lives with is a huge decision." A deal-breaker might be not wanting to start a family or hating dogs. Having qualities such as kindness and generosity could be 'must-haves'. Sabrina said: "If the ex doesn't have these qualities then you must think: 'Is he even who you want to be with or if he does it could be clarity you shouldn't give up on the relationship just yet?'" Having a positive mindset is key to getting over someone, according to Sabrina. She said: "People with fixed mindsets think that break-ups or rejection say something about them leading to despair. "If you have a growth mindset you can think how you will learn or grow from the relationship. "At the end of any relationship, you must answer the following four questions: 'What did I do in