People-pleasing behavior is absolutely confounding. Most of us are taught from a very young age to obey the rules and be self-sacrificing for the benefit of others, yet we culturally glorify rule-breakers who buck the norms and stand up for themselves. If you’re confused about what to do, you’re not alone. That’s why we spoke with Nedra Tawwab, a licensed therapist and an author who has practiced relationship therapy for 12 years. In the video above, Tawaab explains why we people-please, how that behavior impacts our mental health, and tips for how you can manage people-pleasing behavior.

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