Jerry Jones, owner (and also terrible general manager) of the Dallas Cowboys, got some spla’in to do! The married 71 year old is now also the star of a couple compromising internet photos in which he can be seen having a chuckle with two young females in a restroom. Obviously, neither of them are his 71 year old wife, Gene.

The photos were released by genuine Texan weirdo Frank Hoover, Twitter user #888 121314, along with his own manifesto. He appears to think he sent the photos to Jones privately. Oops.

The following is distilled from multiple other sites’ reading of Hoover’s manifesto, as well as a small amount of original research conducted by us before we were distracted by chemtrails and Fibonacci curves in the sky.

Anyway, according to Hoover, Jones was setup in 2011 and the photos were taken for use in blackmail by a guy named 24K, which is a real guy named Kevion the Influence, who does appear to be from Dallas and goes by 24K.

Hoover knows about this plot because 24K lived with him and had a sideline in hacked Apple TV boxes together with Hoover. Indeed, there’s a photo of Apple TV boxes on 24K’s facebook page. Whoopee.

Then, because Hoover is the son of God (the method by which he deduced that he is the son of God is elucidated in the manifesto), God gave him the photos of Jones getting freaky. He could have sold them, but the date was March 14th, Pi day, meaning Hoover had to go on the run or be killed.

In any event, the tabloids never got the buy the photos because Hoover tweeted them himself. I’m sure Jerry Jones’ wife of 50 years, Gene, will be glad Hoover kept the photos away from TMZ.

Neither Jerry Jones nor the Cowboys have commented on the photos or Hoover’s manifesto, because reading it makes you crazy too.

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