• 3 weeks ago
Fully rendered Max Payne is... weird.
Transcript
00:00Hello all of you beautiful people, Jules here for whatculture.com and today I'm going to talk to you
00:04about the wonders that are unlockable skins. What's that? In this day and age, you don't
00:10know what an unlockable is? Well, believe it or not kids, there was once a time, the long long
00:14ago, where you used to have secrets and extra features hidden on a game's disc that you could
00:19actually access through skill or persevering through challenges. I know, it seems absolutely
00:24mad to not have to pay for something like this, right? Well fear not, because we're going to take
00:29that disbelief that I see written all over your faces and push it even further by talking about
00:33unlockable costumes that are honestly, bizarre. From crabby canines to voluptuous velociraptors,
00:39we're going to air into the world of the strange and look at some skins that really make you
00:44question what the developers were huffing. So come gather round you meat sacks as I'm Jules,
00:48this is whatculture.com and these are 10 video game skins that you won't believe that you can
00:53unlock. Number 10, Baseball Fury's outfit, The Warriors. We begin this list with what is
00:59essentially a bit of fan service to lovers of the amazingly cheesy but brilliant film that makes my
01:04bottles clack with joy, The Warriors. This film and its amazing video game adaptation, that was
01:10handled by Rockstar by the way, is a vibrant, quotable and downright bopping time. And that is
01:15down in part to the incredibly colourful array of gangs that can be found. The Turnbull ACs,
01:20the Mimes, the Punks, and my personal favourite of all, the Baseball Furies,
01:25whose skin you could don should you complete the game 100% on the hardest setting and then select
01:31the Unleash the Fury mode. This now posits you in a painted outfit of the Silent Furies and allows
01:37you to run rampant all over the city. However, that is not the only bonus, for if you reach the
01:42chapter in which the Warriors come toe to toe with this gang, they've all been replaced with
01:46Warrior models, meaning that you're effectively inside a parallel universe. Now that, I can dig.
01:52Number 9. David Hasselhoff, South Park The Stick of Truth
01:56It's honestly amazing to see how well Stick of Truth transitioned all of the style, the writing,
02:01and most importantly, the bizarre humour from the South Park show to its game. I reckon that
02:06many people were worried that the jokes would fall flat or risk being censored, but then again,
02:10after farting on a dead Nazi baby, I think these fears were laid to rest. One of the lesser talked
02:16about moments, though, was a skin that you could unlock for your character by visiting the plastic
02:20surgeon in the town and selecting the Hoff from the list of procedures. I won't lie, it's a pricey
02:26investment both in terms of cash and the very likely painful surgical procedure, but it's
02:31absolutely worth it to see those radiant locks of hair and perfect cheekbones once you step back out.
02:37There's really no benefit to this other than an achievement that's tied to completing the game
02:41looking like the Knight Rider star, but then again, when else are you gonna get this opportunity
02:45again? 8. Crab Dog? Rule of Rose
02:49As a fan of survival horror games, my interest was definitely piqued when I was told of a title
02:54called Rule of Rose, a game that dropped onto the PS2 that unfortunately I never got to play
02:59because it was banned in the UK for apparently a mistake that was made with what the game's content
03:05included. After researching it for this list, I can only say that I'm gutted that I didn't get the
03:09chance to play what appears to be, I dunno, what you'd call an arthouse psychological thriller
03:14that sees protagonist Jennifer and her dog Brown trying to survive all sorts of imps and terrors
03:19that's set against a World War 2 backdrop. It's narrative is utterly bananas as well,
03:25being rewritten as events unfold and Jennifer's memory returns, meaning that she actually changes
03:30the environments and interactions to suit this new information. The combat is equally odd,
03:36I say that because enemies are hard to hit and fighting is pretty clumsy, almost like you're
03:40trying to grab a slippery fish, which actually kind of makes sense seeing as you can dress up
03:44Jennifer as a giant octopus through one of the unlockable skins. Yet who cares about the human
03:49in this situation because Brown becomes a crab. I honestly don't know what else I need to say
03:55other than that your dog companion becomes a crab, who follows you around and helps you out
04:01in battle with its little pincers. Utterly brilliant. 7. Alien Suit Dead or Alive
04:08How can I make a list about odd video game skins and not include this absolute assault
04:12on the eyes and utter fashion crime that is Zack's alternate outfit in the Dead or Alive series?
04:18I simply couldn't, and so here it is, in all its shiny and wiggly glory. Now, we're all aware that
04:24Zack is a bit of a character, with an overabundance of sass and a huge penchant for getting busty
04:29women to his island to play volleyball, which have a nasty habit of exploding for some reason.
04:35Yet, while that explains the chrome, as it's louder than life, it doesn't explain the, um,
04:40floppy extension that takes up residence on his forehead. This is just totally weird,
04:44making him look like some sort of lost Teletubby character who was axed because the kid started
04:49telling parents that a muscled man was trying to kick the head off Poe and make Tinky Winky
04:53self-conscious. The devs were clearly aware of this odd skins reception, and even included a
04:58little moment where Zack's, um, member is sliced off in a later title. It's a hilarious and utterly
05:04outlandish outfit, and I simply adore it. Number 6. Classic Max Payne. Max Payne 3.
05:10Now, I know this next one is cheating a little, as you do have to pay a whopping 49 pence for
05:16this skin, but for the cost of a Mars bar, I totally think it's worth sharing this joy with
05:20you all today. Now, if there's one thing that you can say about the original Max Payne, it's that
05:24this was one of the innovators of bullet time violence, and offered players a stark and
05:29sobering tale of gritty revenge. You could also say that the lead Max had a face that looked like
05:34a cat's anus. As the game was much more focused on the action and slow motion stunt diving,
05:39it appears that not as much love was given to Max's face, which became a hugely parodied moment
05:44across the internet. So much so that when Rockstar came to resurrect the series, they included this
05:49flat-faced, squinty-eyed mug as a DLC skin, and trust me, you are never going to laugh as much
05:55as you will watching the single-player cutscenes play out with this ridiculous face delivering the
06:00lines. Especially when he smiles. Brilliant. Number 5. Panda Costume on Amusha Warlords
06:08Oh me, oh my, it's time to talk about a game that doesn't get nearly enough love in this day and age,
06:13on Amusha Warlords. This survival horror slash-em-up combined the over-the-top drama of the
06:17Resident Evil series, and borrowed its tank controls for good measure. Now, the big difference here,
06:22was that you were able to dish out as much punishment as you took, making for tactical
06:27and often very tense sword fights. However, let's say things got a bit too intense,
06:32that all these zombies and nasty horrible ogres were starting to make your trousers leak. Well,
06:36why not alleviate this fear by putting Samunuske, the main protagonist of the game, inside a massive
06:42panda suit? If that's not enough for you, then look at the little panda cub in his front pouch,
06:46which claps along at all the violence you end up causing. It's adorable and silly in equal measure,
06:51and to be honest, I found a new sense of purpose with this costume, because now I wanted nothing
06:56more than to keep my little Tamago safe. And yes, that is right, I named it, and I will cut you up
07:00if you make fun of me for it. Sorry about that. Finally, as an even greater incentive to use the
07:06suit, you can hold L2, which makes him don the panda head. Excellent.
07:11Number 4. Numerous Costumes, God of War Franchise
07:15If there is one person who you do not want to be caught laughing at, it is Kratos,
07:19the literal God of War from the aptly titled Angry Father series of video games for the
07:24PlayStation. And yet, for some reason, possibly to try and round out the character a little,
07:28the devs had hidden a ton of unlockable costumes in the God of War games. Such amazing attire
07:34changes include Kratos cooking up a storm as a chef, donning a scaly suit of armour as a massive
07:39fish, and even a potato. Yeah, that one's probably the weirdest one, right? Yet, if you're looking
07:44for my personal favourite, then it has to be what is lovingly described in the game as
07:49Dairy Bastard, which sees the angriest bald man on the planet, outside of myself when someone
07:53eats all the vitalites at work, slip into the utterly wonderful guise of a cow. And along with
07:59this comedic presentation gets the bonuses of infinite magic and double the amount of orbs
08:03collected in the game. True, you will end up doing half the damage as normal, but that just gives you
08:08more time to marvel at the image of this man who's on a quest for vengeance, doing so as a cuddly cow.
08:14Very, very amusing.
08:163. Cheerleader Outfit – Killer Instinct
08:19Did someone order a sexy raptor? No? Anyone? Well, okay, I've got one here regardless.
08:25I honestly don't know what to say other than, at some point, someone who worked on the Killer
08:30Instinct reboot of 2013 decided that Riptor, a genetically engineered dinosaur made by a super
08:35shady corporation called Ultratech as a biological weapon, would look absolutely spiffing in a
08:41cheerleader's outfit. Don't get me wrong, go local sports team and all that, but this is such
08:46a sight to behold that it's almost baffling. My only reasoning behind this outfit is that A,
08:50it could have been an extremely clever approach to the mind game of combat, putting your opponent
08:55off with your pom-poms as it were before slicing out their neck, and slash or B,
09:00that this is the internet and it was just made because people have some very strange sexual
09:04appetites.
09:042. A Real Pair of Boxer Shorts – ClayFighter 63 1 3
09:10So, I know I bent my rules slightly earlier on in this list with the fudge-faced Max Payne entry,
09:15but I'm going to do so again and invert the rule as this next entry details an item of clothing
09:20that was unlocked by playing a game, but in real life. Now, attending gaming conventions
09:25and getting a hat or a t-shirt is pretty commonplace in this day and age, but when
09:29was the last time that you were offered a legit pair of boxer shorts for competing in an event?
09:35Well, that's exactly the promotion that was run for ClayFighter 63 1 3, an N64 game that combined
09:40claymation and violence in a way that no one had seen or known they so badly wanted before.
09:45And look at these undercrackers. These should be in an art museum, featuring a pristine white
09:50cotton base with elasticated waist and tons of the roster all plastered over. The game itself
09:56might have middled in the, it's kinda fun for about 30 minutes with a mate category, but these
10:01rare beauties? Well, put it this way, I eBayed them to see if there were still any available.
10:05That is how good I think they are. 1. Paradise Mode – Ghost Squad
10:10The transition of light gun games from the arcades to the home console was never really
10:14something that was truly capitalised on, outside of the Wii getting very into them very late in
10:19the day. And it's a shame as well, because many absolutely brilliant titles like Time Crisis and
10:25The Lord Upon High That Was Point Blank have all now seemingly faded away. However, in amongst all
10:30of these gems is another shiny example of the silly, and that is Ghost Squad, a title that on
10:36paper seems about as run of the mill as you can get, being a military shooter tasking you and your
10:40highly trained team with taking out terrorists threatening peace and freedom. Sounds a bit boring,
10:45right? Well, what if I told you that this game also includes a secret mode called Paradise Mode,
10:50which turns the terrorists into bikini-clad women, and now your guns
10:54are turned into water pistols? That is something that I genuinely didn't see coming when I first
10:59booted up the game, and to be honest I could have totally done without their pleasure moaning when
11:03you kill them, but as it stands, for a bit of stupid fun, it's a bizarre and comedic feature
11:08of a pretty well-made FPS title. Plus, it gives all of that melodramatic voice acting that your
11:13commander gives you that much more of a ridiculous edge. And there we go, those were 10 video game
11:19skins that you won't believe that you can unlock. I hope that you enjoyed that, my friends. It's
11:23just a bit of a silly list for me to try and brighten up your day with the Tesco brand comedy
11:28entertainment that I provide. Let me know down below what you thought about it, as well as any
11:31other entries that you would add to this list for a future one, because I might come back and do a
11:35commenter's edition. But before I go, I just have one more thing to say. We talked a lot today about
11:40video game skins, and I hope that you are comfortable in yours. It's quite common for
11:44people to put on a brave face when things aren't going their way, but I just want to say to you
11:49that it is okay to ask for help if you need it. I know it's a very difficult conversation to have
11:53with a few people, but opening that dialogue might allow you to look at your problems in a different
11:58way, and who knows, that new perspective and newfound energy might help you get there quicker.

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