• 2 months ago

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:01Where's the girl?
00:02What girl?
00:03Where's the girl?
00:04What girl? I really don't know what you're talking about.
00:07How come we found one of her shoes out of your chimney and there's a lock of her hair in your top pocket?
00:14I've never seen this before!
00:16Please make this stop!
00:17I haven't started, Chief.
00:19I'll only come out like a fucking Toby Jack!
00:22Where's the girl?
00:23Alright, I'll say anything!
00:26Please stop!
00:28And that's just one of the things policemen do all day.
00:31Thank you very much indeed, Mr. Milsom, for helping us.
00:35Now, who wants to see how we fish opium out of sailors' arseholes?
00:44Dungeon forks!
00:46Puppets to jump!
00:48Dungeon forks!
00:50Puppets to jump!
00:52One of the murders! Fucking pictures and everything!
00:56Oi! Is that a penny each?
00:59God bless you, sir.
01:08Whatever is that smell?
01:10On the happy sauce already, are we, Rabbit?
01:12Trying to stop the voices in your head?
01:14I'm the old lady they found in the three suitcases.
01:17Why didn't you save me, Rabbit?
01:19I'm the flower girl what got dismembered in the alleyway.
01:23Rabbit! My office! Now!
01:26It's funny, Tanner. Your mates reckon that hat makes you look like an arsehole.
01:30I reckon it suits you.
01:34What did you say?
01:36You heard.
01:39What the cockadick goes through your head?
01:42What happened?
01:43What?
01:44Shut your pipe!
01:45You put a teacher in hospital, you dev!
01:48This came today. Know what it is?
01:50I don't know. A letter?
01:53Dear Inspector Rabbit, your visit yesterday really inspired me.
01:58When I grow up, I want to kick rongans and the bollocks, then string the wankers up.
02:02Signed Lily, aged nine.
02:04Hi.
02:05Just working together for a safer city.
02:09You made me look a proper tit!
02:11Remember who wipes your arse!
02:14In you come, lad.
02:18Who the fuck is that?
02:20I need you to play the game, Rabbit, so you're getting a partner.
02:24Sergeant Wilbur Strauss. Delighted to meet you, sir.
02:26I bet you are, boy. I don't want a partner.
02:29He's from Cambridge. Top of his year in criminology.
02:32Full disclosure. I also came bottom.
02:34It's a brand-new course, you see, and I was the only one in the class.
02:37You've got something on your shirt.
02:39Even fell for that old cag!
02:41I want you to stick to this, boy, like shit to a blanket, or you're out on the cobbles.
02:45Father, you forgot your sandwiches, and did I get the job?
02:49Mabel, darling, a woman can't be police.
02:52When you adopted me, you said you wanted the best for me.
02:55I was mainly talking about hats.
02:57If a woman can be a nurse or a novelist,
03:00then why can't she find the stolen jewels or drown her nonce because a trial's too good for him?
03:05Because it's never been done, and for other socio-economic reasons.
03:09The only opportunity for a young woman in this field is strangled girl in fog.
03:13I'm aiming higher. I'm going to be the first female copper.
03:16Or fopper, or lady filth, or...
03:19Nathan Dolly.
03:20Femi-plod?
03:21Shut your holes!
03:23We've not been introduced. I'm Strauss, the new police chap.
03:26Fuck off!
03:27What's your source box, madam?
03:29I'll be off with you.
03:33Kids, today? Aye.
03:35And this one's yours. Now, skedaddle.
03:42This is so exciting.
03:44I'd only ever read about East End in pamphlets.
03:46It truly is the gateway to Solomon.
03:48Ooh, a pub.
03:50Is this our first case? The case of the pub?
03:53Back already, rabbit? What you having?
03:55Gin's literally blinding. You'd better take it with a mixer.
03:58I'll have a whiskey, Gwen.
03:59What about your fancy pal?
04:00He'll have the same.
04:01Gwen, why is there a sewing machine hanging from your roof?
04:04It's a push-bike, you mutton-button.
04:06It's a talking point. Makes the place nice.
04:09I bet it does, girl.
04:12I'd say, Mr Rabbit, I'm having the most tremendous time.
04:16You ain't cut out for this, are you, boy?
04:18I'd quit while you can.
04:19Quit? You and I are working together for a safer city.
04:23This city is a rat eating its own babies.
04:26Babies made of shit.
04:28And once it's eaten its own shit babies,
04:31it shits them out again.
04:33And then it noshes them.
04:35And then it noshes them.
04:37And once it's eaten its own shit babies,
04:39it shits them out again.
04:41And then it noshes them.
04:42And that goes on and on,
04:44until the sun turns cold
04:46and the sea goes back up into the sky.
04:51How come you've only got one eyebrow?
04:53The dog chewed it off last year.
04:56Murder! Horrible murder!
04:59Good.
05:05Get out of the way.
05:06By that I mean, if you don't, I'll kill you.
05:08Get out of the way.
05:12What's going on here, Fish Face?
05:14Found her in a river. She drowned.
05:16Well, not before someone shot her.
05:18She's very beautiful.
05:19She's dead, mate.
05:20You can't say shit like that when a bird's a brown bread.
05:22Excuse me. Excuse me, please.
05:24OK. What have we got?
05:26None of your biz. Just some old docker bloke.
05:29It's another young woman, isn't it?
05:30Can't you cottonies be a bit more original?
05:33Put that aside, underclass wretches.
05:36Tanner of the Yard is here.
05:38Why don't you bugger off, Tanner? I've got this.
05:41Oh, yes.
05:42Like all those other cases he failed to solve,
05:45ladies and gentlemen, because he was so tit-ripped on booze.
05:50He couldn't tell his arse from a hole in the ground.
05:54Better leave this to the real police.
05:57All gathered here,
05:59in silence, that I may solve this mystery.
06:10For fuck's sake.
06:11Sack indeed.
06:17That's it.
06:18The victim wore blue gloves.
06:21That man over there has a blue hat.
06:26Blue.
06:27And blue.
06:28The connection's clear.
06:31You, sir.
06:32I'm the murderer.
06:34Hang on.
06:36No.
06:37Wait.
06:38I think I'm full for that.
06:39I've heard Londoners are famous for their savvy.
06:41Three cheers for Inspector Tanner.
06:43Hip, hip...
06:44Hooray!
06:45Hip, hip...
06:46Hooray!
06:47Hip, hip...
06:48Hooray!
06:49Don't touch me.
06:50My hand's a-tie-dropping.
06:51Killer in blue, caught by boys in the abode.
06:54The papers love it.
06:55OK, but the wrong man's gonna swing, sir.
06:57Give me two days, I'll bring him in by his bullsack.
07:00The case is solved, rabbit.
07:02So drop it.
07:03And remember who wipes your arse.
07:05Does he actually?
07:06No.
07:07I think it's a northern expression.
07:08Can you stop saying it?
07:09I shall say what I bloody like.
07:11Now move!
07:16Good day, officer.
07:17Sir Giles Lindley, standing for re-election as your Member of Parliament.
07:21You've caught a right ugly brute there.
07:23Where can I find your inspector?
07:24I'm here donating books to the inmates.
07:26Improves them.
07:28What do you think for this repulsive savage?
07:30I've got amputation, the cure for masturbation,
07:33or do Irish men have souls?
07:36The twist is, they do.
07:38But he's...
07:39Illiterate, not surprised.
07:40He probably eats with his feet.
07:42What happened to his eyebrow?
07:44His dog chewed it off last Christmas.
07:45Is that a fact?
07:47Look at his skull.
07:48Criminal bone structure.
07:49A swirling vortex of lust and rage,
07:51which, judging by the look on his face,
07:53has damaged his brain, rendering him mute.
07:56What's he called?
07:57I'm called Detective Inspector Rabbit.
08:01We thank you for your service.
08:09What are we doing?
08:10If anyone asks, we're snoring in our beds.
08:12Which one's the beautiful maiden?
08:14You can't be saying shit like that about the dead bird.
08:16But you have to admit it, sir, she is adorable.
08:18She was adorable.
08:19She was adorable.
08:20I won't fucking tell you again.
08:23Here we go.
08:26Give me your hand.
08:29Good Lord, I can see how much profit.
08:31Do excuse me, madam.
08:32And we've revealed her lady pantry.
08:34Help me turn her over.
08:36Yeah.
08:39I'd like some, please.
08:40Detective Inspector Rabbit,
08:42we feel the devil has entered my britches.
08:43A second bullet, oh, that's a bit bloody odd.
08:49Whoever you are, you want to step out now,
08:52or I'll smack your head so hard,
08:54they'll find it on the fucking moon.
08:56The moon!
09:00Mabel, what are you doing?
09:01I'm solving this crime, because unlike you,
09:03I won't spunk it up a wall.
09:05You have an awfully fruity mouth for a lady.
09:07I'm not the one with an erection, Sergeant Foxicle.
09:10They shot her twice.
09:11I just said that.
09:12Checked her clothes?
09:13In my own time.
09:14Sorry, love.
09:15I know what that is.
09:16It's one of those little round things
09:18for the lady's toilet money.
09:19A compact for make-up.
09:20Compact for make-up.
09:21This symbol could be a clue.
09:23I doubt it.
09:24Don't mind me having it, then.
09:25That's mine.
09:26It's police evidence, now bugger off.
09:28I'm buggering nowhere.
09:29What time does that library open, boy?
09:31We should go and find out what this symbol means.
09:34If anyone's going to the library, it's me.
09:36Just you try.
09:37Just you try and stop me.
09:41We didn't stop her.
09:42I know.
09:43We didn't stop her.
09:44I know.
09:45I was mugging her off.
09:46Of course you were.
09:47We, my boy, are off to the slums.
09:49The what?
09:50That rancid shit-pit, syphilitic crap-hole
09:53known as A Lion, A House.
09:56Fantastic.
09:57Mums!
09:58Fire, mums!
09:59This place is extraordinary.
10:01Does it always smell like this?
10:03Ooh, I'll have a garden salad.
10:05No, no.
10:06It's a treat day.
10:07I'll have jam squares.
10:08Absolutely, Mr. Merrick.
10:10I'll get some prawn too.
10:12Stare all you like, but it'll cost you three pounds.
10:14Merrick, don't freak for free.
10:16I'm dreadfully sorry, sir.
10:17Joe, I need you to take a shifty at something.
10:19He saved my life once.
10:20I was set upon and nearly killed by a cruel and vicious mob.
10:24Afterwards, I said to him,
10:25Rabbit, I said, if ever you need any help,
10:29come and see the elephant.
10:31But he's been pushing it, haven't you, love?
10:33Nonsense.
10:34He loves it.
10:35We go way back.
10:36I've travelled the world, young man.
10:38Five stars in the New York Times.
10:40If you see one hideous deformity this year...
10:44You've clearly done very well on it.
10:45Good living suits you, sir.
10:47What do you make of this?
10:48It's called a compact.
10:49Oh, I know, ducky.
10:53Solid silver, worth a pretty penny.
10:55Yeah, what about the symbol?
10:56Jam squares, Mr. Merrick.
10:58Oh, thank you, dear.
11:00Blackcurrant, what the hell have you done?
11:05I am terribly sorry, boss.
11:07It's quite all right.
11:08We've eaten.
11:09Oh, you freaks.
11:10They think they don't have to put in the graft.
11:12Well, you do!
11:16I don't know what this is, but, uh...
11:19Yes, this is theatrical.
11:29There's only one outfit in town uses make-up this cheap.
11:33Go here.
11:35And, Rabbit, my debt's paid.
11:38Well, your debt's paid when I say it's paid.
11:41The sooner you get that into your massive head, the better for everyone.
11:44I mean, believe me, I wouldn't intentionally mock your appearance,
11:47but your head is fucking massive.
12:00He doesn't mind, does he?
12:09Ah, I know this gaff.
12:11It's one of them peepholes.
12:12Beg your pardon?
12:13A peephole.
12:14A tom-shop.
12:15Knock-knock, hijack-cock.
12:16Somewhere you go to see a bit of Jack and Danny,
12:18and maybe a brewmandle that tickles your pickles.
12:20That all sounds very creative, Inspector.
12:22A neurotic cabaret.
12:23Oh, I see.
12:24Total filth, they say.
12:25Shouldn't we just go in and arrest everyone straight away?
12:27We could do.
12:28We could watch the whole show first.
12:30For clues.
12:31Now you're talking my language.
12:32Yeah.
12:34Do you like it?
12:36Oh, yeah.
12:37That is so good.
12:39Would you like to see my other ankle?
12:46Oh, yeah.
12:47That is good.
12:48Do you like it?
12:50I do like it.
12:51It's so good.
12:52Do you want to see the first ankle again?
12:55Thromsford is not whack.
12:57This is bollocks.
12:58It's usually much better than this.
12:59Do you like it?
13:00What do you mean?
13:01Well, they're getting the roar for a start.
13:02The what?
13:03I'm going to jump up.
13:04Just do exactly what I say.
13:05One, expect very bad word of mouth.
13:08Two, we're the Met, and you're fucking nicked.
13:11I'll cover the stairs, Garth.
13:12Nobody move, unless you're putting your Hamptons away.
13:15Put that away, me old mate.
13:17Stop.
13:18Sit down.
13:19I'm not going to sit down.
13:20I'm not going to sit down.
13:21I'm not going to sit down.
13:22I'm not going to sit down.
13:23I'm not going to sit down.
13:24I'm not going to sit down.
13:25I'm not going to sit down.
13:26Sit down.
13:28What's your name?
13:29Claudette Giscard d'Estaing Pompelmousse Allouette.
13:32Bloody Nora.
13:33I'll just call you French lady.
13:35Who is this?
13:36Edith Bates.
13:37She's in the show, but we haven't seen her for a week.
13:40I have seen her.
13:41Thank God.
13:43She is dead.
13:44Oh.
13:45I probably should have started with that.
13:48I can't believe she's gone.
13:51She could do anything.
13:53Poor housewife.
13:55Naughty housewife.
13:57Limitless range.
13:58Right.
13:59Tell me, who would want Edith out of the picture?
14:03All she had was admirers.
14:12Does that mean they're here this evening?
14:17All right, Bates.
14:20Of course it is.
14:22Oi.
14:23I told you to put that away.
14:26Hold your horses.
14:29Murder.
14:30Horrible murder.
14:32Get out of the way.
14:33So sorry.
14:37You.
14:39Oi.
14:40Stay where you are.
14:41Ah!
14:50Come on.
14:51Come on, sir.
14:58That's better.
14:59I need you to punch me in the chest, boy.
15:01Punch you?
15:02The jam tart stopped.
15:03Come on, you wally.
15:10Yeah, yeah.
15:11It's going again.
15:14Dead end.
15:15I'll steal you, bastard.
15:21You're going to pull through.
15:22He's dead.
15:24You're not going to pull through.
15:25I'm sorry if I misled you.
15:27Whoever did this ain't got far.
15:33French lady.
15:35We can't arrest you if you keep running.
15:41Well?
15:42We've got a suspect.
15:43Name?
15:44French lady.
15:45She's in the same show as Edith.
15:47French gets jealous, so she kills her,
15:49and she offs the vicar because he knows it.
15:51One thing doesn't add up.
15:54What?
15:55You, you leg of fuck.
15:57I told you to leave it.
15:58She'll kill again, Whizbeach.
16:00She's got the taste.
16:01The taste.
16:02Them upstairs, they want to let this lie.
16:04If you want me to stop, you'll have to fire me.
16:07Rabbit, I've wiped your arse for long enough.
16:10Look, no matter how many times I wipe,
16:12you can't keep a clean crack.
16:14Can you please stop saying that?
16:16You leave me with no choice.
16:18You have nowhere left to run.
16:23Rabbit.
16:24Well, don't fire Strauss.
16:25He's a good boy.
16:26He tried to stop me.
16:27I certainly did not.
16:28I supported you in every turn.
16:29You tit.
16:30Oh, tit.
16:31Rabbit, you were fired from the Met.
16:33Strauss, you were demoted to missing cats.
16:36Give me your guns.
16:39And the rest.
16:47But what do you know, Rabbit?
16:50Inspector.
16:51Inspector, don't go.
16:52I've got so much to learn from you.
16:54I've got nothing to offer you, boy, but pain and poison.
16:57He'll have drunk himself to death by midnight.
17:00And there's nothing a stray pube like you can do about it.
17:04Why don't you go back to your mummy, little boy?
17:08Because you're well out of your league here.
17:17WHISTLE BLOWS
17:22BELCHES
17:23Gwenda!
17:27You've had enough, Whiskey Rabbit.
17:29Have a rum to take the itch off.
17:35You think I'm funny, do you?
17:38Well, how funny am I now?
17:40Oh!
17:41Oh!
17:51Oi, that's mine, you cheeky...
18:00All right, girl.
18:01Keep still.
18:02Last time I'm patching you up.
18:05Marry me.
18:07Stop it!
18:08I say.
18:09Oh, all right, boy.
18:10Come and have a drink.
18:12There's no time, sir.
18:13I swiped your weapons from the station.
18:16And some extra ones.
18:17Bloody hell.
18:18You've gone rogue.
18:19You may look like a ghostie's dolly, but you're a good boy.
18:22This is big.
18:23Bigger than all of us.
18:24I am not exaggerating when I say that I have blown the lid off all crime.
18:28At the library?
18:29Look what I found, choir boy.
18:31I took this book from the reference section.
18:33You stole it?
18:34From the reference section?
18:35Sometimes coppers have to break the rules.
18:37The symbol on the compact is hundreds of years old.
18:39I think it's the sign of a criminal society so secret nobody knows its name.
18:43Good effort, but bullshit.
18:46Inspector Rabbit and I deduced it was the French lady that did it.
18:48Looks like women can be killers.
18:50But it wasn't her.
18:51She's got the taste.
18:52We need to find her before she kills again.
18:55Or performs any more piss-poor erotica.
18:58Both unforgivable.
18:59I care about people, especially the hard-working ones.
19:03I would like nothing more than to see a London...
19:05Not him again.
19:06Get out of the way. We've got a murderer at our catch.
19:08...and fairer for everyone.
19:09Ex-Prime Minister, they say.
19:11Gold Elphers.
19:12I will improve the lot of every man here.
19:15And if there's a bit of time at the end of the day, I'll improve the lot of some of the women.
19:21Inspector.
19:23I fear I made quite a fool of myself yesterday.
19:25What say we shake hands and forget all about it?
19:34What's up with you?
19:36Are you trying to mouth the word symbol?
19:38What does she mean?
19:39Oh, no, no. No.
19:41Why are you mouthing the word symbol, dear?
19:44Ah! That's the same symbol that's on that compact.
19:47Yes!
19:48Ah-ha-ha! What's your game, Gunga Din?
19:50That's just the old family crest.
19:52I'm sorry, gentlemen. I feel the call of nature.
19:54Big to toilet, dear?
19:55Well, indeed.
19:56Sir Charles Linley, you've got the right to...
19:58a bunch of...
19:59Anyway, do you want to nick him?
20:00Can I?
20:01Sir, now, if you would like to turn around while I am...
20:04Whoa! After him!
20:06Whoa, whoa, whoa!
20:08It's gone again!
20:10We need transportation.
20:11If you wouldn't mind, would you restart the inspector's jam tart?
20:13Come on!
20:14Now, girl.
20:15OK. Ready?
20:16Ooh!
20:19Oi! What the flea milk do you think you're doing?
20:22Madam, I'm commandeering your talking point.
20:25Whoa! Where do I sit?
20:28How does it work?
20:29I think it's to do with the foot pistons.
20:31What?
20:32He's heading to the docks!
20:33Boy, to the docks!
20:37Fucking thing doesn't work!
20:38Jesus!
20:39Come on!
20:41It's Scott!
20:44Sir Giles, we can't arrest you if you keep running.
20:51Show yourself, Linley, or you'll make a noise by mistake.
20:53I think I found him, sir.
20:55Drop it.
20:56I want passage to South America.
20:58Don't be a fool, Linley.
20:59Yeah, come on, Linley. Don't be a cunt.
21:01If I'm a lady...
21:02Where'd she go?
21:04I didn't want to kill Edith.
21:07I fell in love with her at the cabaret.
21:09Gave her love tokens.
21:11She could do anything.
21:13Bored housewife. Naughty housewife.
21:17I proposed.
21:19And so did the vicar.
21:21We fought a duel for her hand.
21:23She tried to stop us.
21:29We threw the body in the Thames.
21:31But I couldn't trust the vicar to keep his mouth shut.
21:34It's over, Linley.
21:35She's right.
21:36I will not be arrested by a woman.
21:37I'm arresting you.
21:39And I won't tell you again, you posh cock.
21:41Drop it.
21:42And if I don't?
21:46Skull of an ugly fruit, eh?
21:49Well, how's that, you bastard?
21:50You took a bullet for me today, boy.
21:52Anytime.
21:53Working together for a safe city.
21:55Who are the Society? Tell us.
21:57There's no such thing.
21:59No!
22:01Out of bullets.
22:02That's embarrassing.
22:03It's all right. Try mine.
22:08Get out.
22:10Yeah, yeah.
22:11That...
22:12That's exactly where I wanted it.
22:14So Claudette followed us to warn us about Linley.
22:16But when she saw the dead vicar, she panicked.
22:18Very good, Strauss.
22:19I'm getting out my loose ends book.
22:21I'm writing tied up.
22:24And as I helped solve it,
22:25I assume that I get to be the first official fopper.
22:28Philly fuzz.
22:29Bobby dolly.
22:30No, no. Sweetness.
22:31You know I'd do anything for you. Anything.
22:34But it's never going to happen.
22:36And what about that secret Society carry-on?
22:38Total bollocks.
22:39Absolute bullshit.
22:40Can I just say,
22:42I've had the most incredible time.
22:45Good boy.
22:46Come on, Mabel.
22:47You may not be a fopper yet,
22:49but I'll let you walk down the street with us.
22:51Wow.
22:52What an amazing reward.
22:53I know.
22:55But I go in the middle.
22:56Mud!
22:57Shit and mud!
22:58Mud and shit for a penny!
23:14I see them.
23:16Good.
23:18Have them followed,
23:20and then have them killed.
23:26Yeah.
23:56Yeah.