Last Tango in Halifax. S01 E03.
First broadcast 4th December 2012.
Raff is released but refuses to talk to Gillian, having learned of her session with Paul, and goes to live with Robbie.
Louis Greatorex ... Lawrence
Sarah Lancashire ... Caroline
Anne Reid ... Celia
Edward Ashley ... William
Derek Jacobi ... Alan
Nicola Walker ... Gillian
Dean Andrews ... Robbie
Josh Bolt ... Raff
Tony Gardner ... John
Sacha Dhawan ... Paul
Nina Sosanya ... Kate
Ronni Ancona ... Judith
Anne Hornby ... Vicar
Raff is released but refuses to talk to Gillian, having learned of her session with Paul, and goes to live with Robbie.
Louis Greatorex ... Lawrence
Sarah Lancashire ... Caroline
Anne Reid ... Celia
Edward Ashley ... William
Derek Jacobi ... Alan
Nicola Walker ... Gillian
Dean Andrews ... Robbie
Josh Bolt ... Raff
Tony Gardner ... John
Sacha Dhawan ... Paul
Nina Sosanya ... Kate
Ronni Ancona ... Judith
Anne Hornby ... Vicar
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00You're serious about getting married?
00:02Whatever.
00:03I sent you a note to say I couldn't come.
00:05I gave it to Alan Pickford to give to you.
00:07Alan?
00:09My mother.
00:09Yeah.
00:10Don't tell me you didn't get it.
00:12I'm very fond of you.
00:15I just don't think I can do this anymore.
00:18I'm arresting you on suspicion of assault.
00:20You're not arresting him!
00:21Some about you bending over in a field that makes me almost unable to contain myself.
00:25Ow!
00:26Tell me about when me dad died.
00:27It wasn't an accident.
00:28She killed him.
00:29We decided against an engagement ring.
00:32So instead, we bought a car between us.
00:35Judith, this is William, my eldest.
00:37She's had that bitch in our house.
00:40Don't come back.
01:30You can't just leave him.
01:32Can't I? Why not?
01:33He left me.
01:34I mean, you can't just abandon him in the middle of nowhere.
01:37What, you think I should let him humiliate me over and over and over again?
01:40Keep pretending that everything's fine and dandy and I'm dealing with it
01:43when in actual fact I'm having a nervous bloody breakdown!
01:46Mum!
02:00Oh.
02:02Are you alright?
02:04Caroline?
02:21Idiot.
02:23You're an idiot.
02:25Why am I an idiot?
02:26I'm telling her.
02:27He probably wasn't even doing anything.
02:29He hates her.
02:30He hates Judith.
02:32He's probably just trying to get rid of her.
02:44Mum.
02:50I'm sorry.
02:52I shouldn't have said anything.
02:53They weren't doing anything.
02:54They were just drunk.
02:55I sent a letter into the house.
02:58It doesn't matter whether they were doing anything or not.
03:01What matters is that he's shallow and weak-willed.
03:06And I can't trust him.
03:09Not as much as I'd like to.
03:12For your sake.
03:14My sake.
03:16Everyone's sake.
03:26Oh.
03:30Are you alright, Mum?
03:34Are you?
03:39Come on.
03:41Come on.
03:55I couldn't find a parking space.
03:57What have they said?
04:00If they're not pressing charges, it is just a caution.
04:03Oh.
04:06Yeah, I know it looks extravagant.
04:09The car.
04:10And, yeah, your mother might have liked one, but I don't know.
04:15She was never bothered about cars.
04:20Odd.
04:22That thing you said about my mother.
04:24Not giving you that note.
04:29Do you wish she had?
04:31Given it you?
04:33Well, you can't think like that, can you?
04:35No, but do you?
04:36No.
04:37Of course not.
04:39You won't cross with her for not doing?
04:42No.
04:46She was a fantastic woman.
04:48My mother.
04:50Yes, you are. You're right.
04:52I certainly got no complaints.
04:58Done and dusted.
05:00And next time, give the weedy little twat a wide berth.
05:04You alright?
05:07What were it about?
05:10Gillian?
05:12You know as much as me, Robbie.
05:33What do you say, Inspector?
05:35Inspector?
05:37Stuff.
05:38I'll see you back there.
05:39Right.
05:41And what was poor Jack tree saying?
05:44Shit.
05:46What kind of shit?
05:47Can I go and lecture to my grandad?
05:48What kind of shit?
05:49Grandad, can I go with you?
05:53Are you OK?
05:54I'm sorry I spoilt your party.
06:06DOOR SLAMS
06:24Ah.
06:27I'm going to me room.
06:29I thought I'd better hang about. You left the door unlocked.
06:32I'll wing seal you.
06:33See if she's alright.
06:34Right.
06:36How are things at the police station?
06:42I'd hate you and Caroline to get the wrong idea about us.
06:46For me dad's sake.
06:48This isn't how he behaves, Raffi. He's a good lad.
06:52I'm sure he is.
06:53God knows why he couldn't rise above it.
06:55He would do, normally.
06:57Kids. Well, boys, anyway.
07:00I helped myself.
07:01Good.
07:02I hope that's...
07:03Absolutely fine.
07:07Sorry about...
07:08What?
07:09Dirty linen.
07:11In public. Me and Caroline.
07:13Hey, listen.
07:15Don't apologise to me.
07:17Not for anything.
07:18I don't judge people.
07:20Never have done.
07:21Life's too short.
07:23Let's be frank.
07:25We're none of us perfect.
07:27The ironic thing is...
07:30What?
07:31Oh, I had this...
07:34Fling...
07:35Thing.
07:36Affair.
07:37Fest.
07:38Embarrassing mistake thing with this Judith.
07:41Four...
07:42Three months ago.
07:44Tell me when I get boring.
07:46Oh, the point is, she...
07:48I was in the house by myself.
07:51Our house.
07:52Mine and Caroline's.
07:53And she turns up.
07:55Judith.
07:56And I can't get rid of her.
07:58When she comes home from school early,
08:00because he's in the middle of his A-levels,
08:02he assumes we're up to stuff.
08:04Which we're not.
08:05Absolutely not.
08:06All over.
08:07Thing of the past.
08:08Big bad mistake.
08:09Desperately grateful to be back with glorious,
08:11snotty, mad Caroline.
08:13Albeit in the spare bedroom.
08:16And now she's gone all berserk
08:18and says I'm out on my ear again.
08:22Shit.
08:24I...
08:26Just got to pop upstairs and see if Raffy's OK.
08:30Sure.
08:46Raff.
08:49I want to know what Paul was saying that made you so cross.
08:53He's an idiot.
08:55Can't say I'd argue with you over that.
08:57And you're an idiot as well.
09:13How's the car?
09:14Smashing.
09:16You couldn't drive me to the nearest railway?
09:19Well, where are you heading?
09:20Well, Harrogate.
09:22I could drive you there.
09:23I'm off over to see Celia.
09:24She's barely seen that car.
09:26But it'll have to be tomorrow morning.
09:28I'm not setting off now.
09:30It's dark.
09:31Fine.
09:32Great.
09:33Is that...
09:34So...
09:35So could I stay?
09:38Can he stay?
09:41Alan's very kindly offered me a lift back to Harrogate
09:43tomorrow morning.
09:44Of course.
09:45Only I'd be grateful if you didn't drink any more.
09:49I don't want you throwing up in the car
09:51before Celia's even sat in it.
09:53Celia all right?
09:56Well, I think she'd have liked a turning car.
09:59Perhaps I should phone for that taxi.
10:00Don't be daft.
10:01You stay put.
10:02All right, I'll go and put Tepler.
10:09You want to stick up for yourself more, you do.
10:12Me?
10:13Yeah.
10:14You know, if you weren't doing out.
10:18If you genuinely weren't doing out with this Judith,
10:23why accept being chucked out?
10:26And presumably half the house is yours.
10:49Morning, everyone!
10:50Daddy's back!
10:51Daddy's home!
10:52Breakfast!
10:53I'm cooking!
10:54Who wants pancakes?
10:55I do!
10:56I do!
10:57I do!
10:58I do!
10:59I do!
11:00I do!
11:01I do!
11:02I do!
11:03I do!
11:04I do!
11:05I do!
11:06I do!
11:07I do!
11:08I do!
11:09I do!
11:10I do!
11:11I do!
11:12I do!
11:13I do!
11:14I do!
11:15I do!
11:16I do!
11:17Pancakes!
11:37Morning.
11:38It's ten to eight.
11:39Yes, I'm sorry I'm late.
11:44Oh.
11:48The Sunday morning service comes from the church of St James the Great.
11:52Oh, piss off.
12:14Do you believe in God?
12:17I used to.
12:18Till the mid to late 1970s.
12:25What happened in the mid to late 1970s?
12:28I'm not sure.
12:30That's when they just seemed to stop going.
12:34Why?
12:35I think I'd like to get married in a church
12:38rather than a registry office on reflection.
12:41Who's that making that din?
12:43Well, we can do.
12:44I don't think it's obligatory these days to believe in God
12:48just because we want to get wed in church.
12:54What the hell on earth do you think you're doing?
12:57Morning, darling.
12:58You shitting world darling me.
13:00Potty mouth.
13:01What are you doing?
13:02Breakfast.
13:03One sum.
13:04Is that John?
13:05Why is she hitting him?
13:06Has he gone back?
13:07You don't live here because I chucked him out of your arsehole.
13:13Half this house is mine.
13:15I wasn't doing anything wrong.
13:16She turned up.
13:17William exaggerated.
13:18Get over it.
13:19Don't you touch that.
13:20And next time your mother smacks me,
13:22you tell her I will smack her right back.
13:25Harder.
13:26You are not making a mess in my kitchen.
13:28That's right.
13:29I'm making a mess in my kitchen.
13:34Shagging that whore.
13:39No.
13:43I do not want you here.
13:46Well, I don't mind you being here.
13:48It isn't like there isn't room, is it?
13:56I might just chuck all your things out, okay?
13:59What's happening?
14:01Nothing.
14:04Behaving like a pig.
14:06Oh, damn.
14:07She shut the window.
14:09I'm not behaving like a pig.
14:11I'm willing to be entirely reasonable.
14:13Are you doing breakfast, Popsicle?
14:14Yes, I am.
14:15Go on.
14:29It's not funny.
14:36Hey, how do you fancy driving over to Buckstone's Ridge?
14:41I don't know.
15:11I don't know.
15:32I'm just off to work.
15:36Raph.
15:41Raph.
16:12Raph.
16:14What have you been saying to our Raph?
16:16Oh, steady on, Julie.
16:17I'm going to the police.
16:18What kind of bloke gets beaten up by a 16-year-old
16:20and goes whining to the police?
16:22Er, how about thank you, Paul, for not pressing charges?
16:24Would have said to him.
16:25Thank you, Paul, for letting him get off with a caution.
16:27What did you say to him?
16:28No.
16:29I would just, like, you know...
16:31What?
16:32I would just say what a fine woman he was.
16:34What idiot?
16:35Any time, love.
16:36Well, he didn't believe you, anyway.
16:38No, he did.
16:40That's to start with, cheeky git.
16:42That's how I describe the way your wallpaper's peeling off
16:45above a window where it's damp.
16:47And your five million pair of shoes.
16:49And that photo he has by his bed of him as Uncle Robbie and his dad.
16:53Yeah, I think that's when he realised
16:55I really had been in your upstairs.
16:59He went mad.
17:00Lick up, bastard.
17:07What?
17:10Oh, God.
17:40PHONE RINGS
18:06PHONE RINGS
18:11Hello?
18:13Gillian?
18:14Yeah?
18:15It's John, Elliot.
18:17Caroline's husband.
18:19Oh.
18:21John.
18:24Hello.
18:25I'm just ringing to say thank you for putting me up last night.
18:29Oh, that's...
18:30I stuck up for myself and, well, she didn't like it.
18:34Not surprisingly.
18:36But I did it.
18:38He's talking to someone.
18:40Who?
18:42I've got no idea. He's smirking. It's probably her.
18:45Judith.
18:46What, I've no idea, Caroline?
18:48I'm sorry I upset you.
18:50I'm sorry I didn't listen to you.
18:52You were right, he's an absolute...
18:55..jerk.
18:56I've spent the best years of my life married to an unreliable,
18:59shallow-minded, self-centred...
19:04..jerk.
19:06Yes?
19:07What am I going to do?
19:09Divorce him and not just talk about it this time.
19:12Sell the house, split everything, start again.
19:14I can't sell this house.
19:16Why?
19:17Because I'm...
19:18I've put so much into it, I've worked so hard for it,
19:21it's perfect, I don't want to...
19:24Anyway, I can't because my mother...
19:26Actually, my mother's probably going to move out
19:29because she's getting married.
19:31Your mother?
19:32Yes.
19:33Your mother is getting married? Who to?
19:35Oh, it's just...
19:39How sweet.
19:46Would you like me to come round?
19:49Would you like to go for a walk?
19:52Would you like to do something?
19:54Me going on about stuff a bit too much probably would have bothered her.
19:59That's such a beautiful part of the world...
20:02John.
20:03John, John, I'm sorry, I've got to go because I'm at work.
20:06Oh, I'm sorry.
20:07Yeah, no problem.
20:08Ta-ta, then.
20:09Me waxing lyrical.
20:10Yeah, aw.
20:11Bye.
20:12Probably see you again sometime, anyway.
20:14Yep, yep.
20:15Bye.
20:16Bye.
20:23Sweet, exotic creature.
20:26Sweet, exotic creature.
20:41So, two o'clock, then?
20:45Jesus Christ.
20:47Is that a cigarette?
20:49Is that very...
20:51How bad is that?
20:53We don't smoke.
20:54Oh.
20:55Ah.
20:56And he's drinking whisky.
20:58At quarter past eleven in the morning.
21:00And he's listening to the bloody archers!
21:03I've got to go.
21:04Right, well, I'll see you at...
21:25Silly bitch!
21:27What kind of example do you think you set these boys, hmm?
21:30Smoking and drinking and fornicating
21:34and wallowing there like some self-indulgent tosser!
21:38How dare you do that?
21:39I do not want you here!
21:41Well, bad luck, I live here, and if I want to smoke and bring women here,
21:45then I'll bring them.
21:47But I don't want to bring women here
21:49because I want our marriage to work!
21:51You mad cow!
21:53Our marriage is over!
21:54It is dead!
21:55It is redundant!
21:56It never was!
21:58And I do not want to waste another second of my life...
22:02Lady!
22:21Anybody told me a few weeks ago
22:24that I'd be sitting up at Buckstones Ridge
22:27holding hands with a man who isn't my husband
22:31and who has just driven me here in his Lexus.
22:34I'd have thought they were pulling my leg.
22:37Not that I'd have ever sat anywhere
22:39holding hands with a man who was my husband.
22:42Kenneth wasn't the hand-holding sort.
22:46I mean, even before the trouble,
22:49I don't need a romantic bone in his body.
22:53And then after, when I found out what a randy sod it'd been,
22:56well, that put the tin lid on any sort of...
23:00anything resembling romantic.
23:03I mean, I stopped going anywhere with him socially.
23:07I mean, he didn't know who knew and who didn't.
23:11And I work on the principle it's always wise to assume the worst.
23:16I mean, it's not nice, is it?
23:18Folk nudging each other, going,
23:20you know, that's her whose husband's at it
23:22with all and sundry behind her back.
23:25I wonder she knows, poor bitch.
23:28I wonder what she's not doing that's making him look elsewhere.
23:33So, you stop in, you don't go out.
23:38And your world gets smaller.
23:42I should have divorced him.
23:45It's easy to say with a child to bring up no money of your own.
23:49I had not worked. I had no career.
23:52I'd given up my job when Caroline was born.
23:55But women did in them days.
23:59I could have killed him one time.
24:03I mean, literally, I could have...
24:07He was decorating the kitchen,
24:10painting the ceiling up a little stepladder.
24:13He was hopeless at anything to do with DIY.
24:18Anyway, he slipped and banged his head.
24:21He must have been out for...
24:24Oh, well, no more than a second or two.
24:27But, of course, I panicked till he came to.
24:31It was only afterwards I realised I'd been slow
24:35and I decided if it ever happened again,
24:38I'd slip a cushion over his face and suffocate him.
24:42HE SIGHS
24:46Have I shocked you?
24:48No.
24:51Oh, God.
24:53I'm sorry I go on about him.
24:56No, no, no, no, I'm just sorry you had it to go through.
25:03I'm only telling you this so you know what sort of woman you're marrying.
25:08Do you fancy a pint in a pub?
25:13I was thinking... Oh, why?
25:16Why don't you stop tonight in Harrogate?
25:20Oh, I don't mean anything untoward.
25:23I've got a spare room.
25:25Only it's going to be a long haul for you otherwise,
25:29taking me back to Harrogate, then setting off to Halifax.
25:33And you were up at the crack of dawn this morning.
25:38I'd have to buy a toothbrush.
25:40HE CHUCKLES
25:56Ralph?
26:01Ralphie?
26:08HE SIGHS
26:24Answer it.
26:26I can't do it, Paul. Leave a message and I'll ring you back.
26:29Ralph, it's me. Where are you?
26:32Just ring me or text me. I need to know where you are.
26:37I'm sorry if I've upset you.
26:39I know I've upset you, but I need to know that you're all right.
26:44HE SIGHS
26:56HE SIGHS
27:01Oh, shit.
27:08PHONE RINGS
27:12Gillian? Is Ralph with you?
27:14He is, yeah.
27:17Is he all right?
27:19He is absolutely fine.
27:23What's he said?
27:25Nothing. I can't talk to him.
27:27He's a bit busy at the minute. He's on the Xbox.
27:29Yeah? Well, get him off the...
27:31To be frank with you, Gillian, I don't think he'd want to talk to you.
27:34I don't know what's happened, other than him fighting with that dickhead,
27:37but I assume something has.
27:39I assume that he's finally seen the light and worked out what a mad bitch you are,
27:42so, you know, if he wants to move in here, that's fine by me.
27:46I'm not keeping him here by force.
27:48Don't you dare fill his head with rubbish about me.
27:51Will that be everything, then?
27:53You just tell him to ring me.
27:56SIGHS
28:00Fuck it.
28:05SIGHS
28:07SNIFFLES
28:13SIGHS
28:26PHONE RINGS
28:29Hello? John?
28:31Yeah? It's Gillian.
28:33Alan's daughter.
28:37Gillian.
28:39Sorry I had to ring off this morning.
28:41Only, er, boss were breathing down my neck and...
28:43No, no, that's... I thought nothing of it.
28:46Good. Good. Good.
28:49So, how's things progressing?
28:52Oh, she's having a little coven in the garden
28:55with some insipid little witch that she works with.
28:58Nice.
28:59Lauren says she's a lesbian.
29:01God knows why Caroline's invited her here.
29:04You know what you said last night
29:07about you having this affair with this...
29:11Judith?
29:14Yeah?
29:16Well...
29:19I did something similar, and...
29:22You did?
29:24Yeah, and...
29:26SIGHS
29:28Stupid, stupid thing.
29:31And Raph's found out, and that's what that fight was about.
29:34And he's gone to live with Robbie.
29:36That's his uncle, the policeman.
29:39And he's a right bastard, and...
29:44Bollocks!
29:46It was exactly the same when me and Richard got divorced.
29:49Neither of us could afford to buy the other one out,
29:51so we had to sell up, split everything.
29:53Right down the middle.
29:55Beautiful house we had.
29:57Heartbreaking.
29:59But you find a way forward.
30:02I'm going to have to get proper legal advice.
30:06Yes, obviously. I don't know what I'm talking about.
30:10Don't you?
30:12I was being sarcastic.
30:13I just said I've been through exactly the same thing,
30:15but yes, you should get proper legal advice.
30:17Why are you being so snippy?
30:18Why?
30:21What?
30:26My dad's got Alzheimer's.
30:28Did you know that?
30:30God, I'm so sorry.
30:32There's a million and one things you don't know about me, Caroline.
30:36Because you never ask.
30:38And I try not to inflict things on people
30:40unless I think they're actually interested,
30:42but I've never really had the impression that you were.
30:44But you just take it for granted that I'll be interested in you, don't you?
30:48You offered to come round.
30:50But you rang me up after you dumped me.
30:54You rang me up expecting me to be sympathetic,
30:57which I am.
30:59Not that it'll do me any good.
31:01And then you're like a man.
31:03You just make this subconscious decision
31:05that I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about,
31:07even though I've been through it.
31:08I think you're overreacting. You're reading things.
31:10And then having a go at me last week.
31:12But talking to someone when I was upset about what had happened.
31:15Someone who was sympathetic and interested.
31:17Michael bloody Dobson. He tried to blackmail me.
31:20He didn't.
31:21You'd better go.
31:25Am I being dismissed?
31:26I shouldn't have rung you up. I'm sorry I did.
31:31Don't say that.
31:34I just want you to understand...
31:37..the effect...
31:39..you have...
31:41..on me.
31:45If you ring me, I'll run round here,
31:47even though I know you're not really interested in me.
31:50I'm not...
31:52..not interested in you.
31:56I'm...
32:00I don't know what I am.
32:02You're right, I've never asked you anything about you,
32:04and it's not because I don't...
32:07..it's because I'm selfish...
32:09..and hopeless.
32:11And you've been a really good friend,
32:13and I don't know how to be a good friend...
32:16..to anyone.
32:21My parents never got on.
32:23I grew up in a house on my own,
32:25with these people who never spoke to each other unless they had to,
32:28and I thought that was normal.
32:30And now she's met this bloke, this Alan,
32:32and he's a sweet man, and he thinks the world of her,
32:35and she thinks the world of him,
32:37and she's so different.
32:40And I can't help wondering
32:42if she'd been in love with my dad,
32:44and he'd been in love with her,
32:46her different things would have been.
32:51I don't know what normal relationships are like.
32:54I see them, but I don't know how to do them.
32:57So I'm sorry.
32:59I'm sorry if I've hurt you...
33:01..taken you for granted.
33:04I will endeavour not to do that...
33:08..in the future.
33:12Because I do value your friendship, and...
33:17..I'm sorry if I've never said that or made that clear or done what...
33:23..I should have done.
33:27Normal people do, to express these things.
33:32So I'm sorry.
33:42I think you've got to give yourself a break, Gillian, I really do.
33:46He's 16 years old. Give him a week.
33:49Give him a week with Robbie's microwave cooking.
33:51Give Robbie a week with a bloody teenager in the house, honestly.
33:54You know where he is, you know he's safe.
33:56OK, he's had a shock, he's found out his mother has sex.
33:59Get over it. I know, I know.
34:01It's just life, you know, and he has to realise that you have...
34:05You know, just like everyone else does, urges, feelings.
34:09When he's an adult, he'll get it.
34:11He will not look back on you and make judgements.
34:13He just needs a little bit of time.
34:15Step back for me, Gillian.
34:17I know it's not easy, he's your boy, but... Yeah.
34:20..if you can... Yeah, yeah.
34:23Yeah, you're right, you're right.
34:25Oh, kids.
34:31Gosh.
34:36So, how's things in the garden?
34:39Oh, much the same.
34:52MUSIC CONTINUES
35:22BIRDS CHIRP
35:40Oh!
35:43Oh, Jesus.
35:48What's happened?
35:50Paul?
35:52Who did this?
35:54Who did it?
35:56Was it Raph?
35:58Robbie?
36:03Come on.
36:05Let's get you inside.
36:07HE GRUNTS
36:13HE SCREAMS
36:21HE SIGHS
36:32I think we should get you up to Princess Royal.
36:35I'll be right.
36:41What happened?
36:43HE SIGHS
36:49Darren and Gavin.
36:52Hayley's brothers found out I'd been at it with you,
36:55so them and a couple of big bastards laid into me.
37:01So, I...
37:03I guess the engagement's off, eh?
37:06Josie's sad.
37:09SHE SIGHS
37:12They said they was going to pour petrol over me and set me on fire.
37:18And I believed them.
37:24SHE SOBS
37:27SHE SNIFFS
37:29SHE SOBS
37:35Step, Granny.
37:44Morning.
37:46Hi.
37:48Just to let you know... Oh, you're very smart.
37:50..me and Alan are popping over to Halifax
37:52to look at possible venues for the wedding,
37:55so I won't be here this evening.
37:57I'll be stopping over at Chillian's with Alan.
37:59Right.
38:01I'm sorry to pop over so early, but you'll be going to work, so...
38:04Brush your teeth. Where are my shoes?
38:07Wherever you left them!
38:09He's very nervous. He's got his first English paper.
38:14He stopped over last night, Alan.
38:16Yes, I assumed. I, um...saw the car.
38:21He was going to sleep in the spare bedroom, but...
38:24I don't know, one thing led to another,
38:26and I've got a double bed and we are getting married, so...
38:31..we shared the same bed.
38:34OK.
38:37I don't know what people will think.
38:40Well, good for you.
38:42I just thought, what the hell? What people?
38:46I don't care. Anyone.
38:50Right.
38:51As I say, it's not as though we're not getting married, cos we are, so...
38:54So?
38:56You don't mind?
38:58Me? No. No, of course not.
39:02So?
39:04It's great.
39:09I'm talking about sex. Yes, I realise that.
39:12It was marvellous. I'd forgotten.
39:16I can be quite romantic when push comes to shove.
39:19Not that your dad ever appreciated that.
39:21Can you not? Just... What?
39:23Well, it's... Have I embarrassed you?
39:26I don't need to know. It's fine. It's fine.
39:28Whatever you do, it's fine. It's good.
39:30You're adults. It's...
39:32I thought you might be happy for me.
39:34I am. I am.
39:37I love you, you know. I know you do.
39:40SHE SIGHS
40:11I can't get through to our Gillian.
40:13She's not answering her mobile or anything.
40:18Can I get you some more tea?
40:21No, no. No, no, I'm fine.
40:23Another egg?
40:25No, thanks.
40:33Sorry, what did you say? Something about Gillian?
40:41HEAVY BREATHING
41:03SIREN BLARES
41:10Right, where to?
41:13I can't go on.
41:15My dad's chucked me out and my mum says she never wants to clap eyes on me again.
41:29I'm not giving you Raffy's room.
41:36CAR STARTS
41:40CAR ENGINE ROARS
42:10MUSIC PLAYS
42:41CLOCK TICKS
42:50PHONE RINGS
42:57Hello?
42:59Tom, it's Judith.
43:01What do you want?
43:03Um, I, um...
43:05You shouldn't ring this number. What if Caroline had answered it?
43:07Isn't she at work?
43:09You couldn't lend me some money, could you?
43:11It's just that the landlord's getting...
43:14..unpleasant with me about the rent arrears and...
43:18You get benefits for that.
43:20Yeah, yeah.
43:22The thing is...
43:25..I've spent it.
43:27Jesus.
43:29And you don't want me turning up on your doorstep, do you?
43:33I must have spent hours in here when I was a kid.
43:36Yeah, so did I.
43:38I always tried to wangle it so that we'd sit somewhere...
43:43..where I could gaze at you.
43:45You didn't.
43:47You daft article.
43:49You were the only thing that made it bearable.
43:51I hated it, Judge.
43:54I used to get so bored and miserable.
43:58Yeah.
44:01Yeah, well...
44:03Mind you, it's better than all this happy-clappy stuff they have now.
44:07Do you want a mint?
44:09Is it? Why? The reason for the happy-clappy stuff...
44:12..is people actually look like they want to be there.
44:14Well, it's not proper, is it?
44:16They have pop songs at funerals now.
44:19Yeah, so what?
44:21Pop songs at funerals.
44:23Religion when we were kids was all about control.
44:27It was about the ruling class being hand-in-glove with the church
44:30to keep ordinary, hard-working people terrified of having a mind of their own.
44:35Was it, Al?
44:37No, it was. You think about it.
44:41I won't get into a debate.
44:43Why shouldn't you have a pop song at a funeral?
44:46If it's something that you've liked,
44:48something that's meant something to you.
44:51Pop songs are for discos and pubs and social clubs.
44:56In church, you sing hymns.
44:58Pop songs at funerals are about ordinary folk
45:01celebrating whatever in their own way,
45:04not accepting what's inflicted on them by people in high places
45:09who just want to keep everybody frightened and miserable.
45:12Well...
45:16..some people need people in high places
45:19to tell them what's what now and again.
45:21You're going to tell me next you voted for Margaret Thatcher.
45:26Well, he can't have liked Michael Foote.
45:30In his anorak at the Cenotaph.
45:32A very intelligent man, Michael Foote.
45:34Oh, he can't have been that intelligent
45:36or he wouldn't have gone round looking like a scarecrow.
45:40I didn't dislike Tony Blair...
45:42Oh!
45:43..until he muckied his tickets in Iraq.
45:45Now, go on.
45:47Gordon Brown?
45:49Trying to get everybody to like him with his phony grin.
45:53And he's Scottish.
45:55Now, there's an unassailable political argument.
45:58Well, it hardly needs pointing out, he buggered up the economy.
46:01No, he didn't. He did not.
46:04He had vision.
46:05Oh, God, I can see this is a subject we're going to have to avoid.
46:08No, don't worry.
46:09I'm not going to have to avoid it.
46:11I'm not going to have to avoid it.
46:13Oh, God, I can see this is a subject we're going to have to avoid.
46:16No, don't worry. I'll teach you.
46:18You damn well won't.
46:20You will buy your copy of The Guardian.
46:22You can keep your Guardian.
46:24I thought I spotted a Daily Mail lurking in your recycling bin.
46:28What's wrong with The Daily Mail?
46:30What's wrong with it? What's right with it?
46:32Do you know, I'd never have had you down for red-hot labour.
46:37I thought you had more about you.
46:39Do you know the good thing about David Cameron
46:42is that even he knows he's an arse.
46:45Now, every time he opens his mouth, you can see him thinking,
46:48I was born an arse, I'll die an arse,
46:51but at least I know I'm an arse.
46:54You've suddenly got very coarse, Mr Buttershaw.
46:58So what would you be walking down the aisle to, then?
47:01Hmm? Jerusalem?
47:03Rule Britannia?
47:07The arrival of the Queen of Sheba.
47:09LAUGHTER
47:13What?
47:15What?
47:18No, no, that's...
47:20What?
47:22It's very appropriate.
47:26I'd turn up for that.
47:28I can see how I'm going to have to re-educate you, Alan Buttershaw.
47:33Does that mean I get to choose the music we walk out to?
47:37Hell, no.
47:39It's become screamingly obvious I can't trust you any further.
47:43I could shuck you.
47:45Hey.
47:47I forgot we're in church.
47:49We've been swearing like troopers.
47:51Well, they'd better find Vicar, then.
47:55If this is what you want.
47:57Well, not if you think I'm oppressing the masses.
48:00It'll be worth oppressing the masses for half an hour or so
48:04of arriving like the Queen of Sheba.
48:10I hope he isn't a woman.
48:13Who? The Vicar.
48:21If you're insisting, on a Saturday slot,
48:24you're looking at four...
48:27..five months away.
48:30I think sooner rather than later.
48:35Are either of you divorced?
48:37No. No.
48:39Widowed.
48:42And you're both regular churchgoers, obviously.
48:47Well, we have been in the past.
48:54So you're not regular churchgoers now?
48:57Not... No.
49:00When did you last go to church?
49:04Christmas?
49:0619077.
49:12What about you, Mrs Dawson?
49:14About the same.
49:17So, why do you want God's blessing
49:21if you don't go to church?
49:23If you don't go to church...
49:26..I'm just interested.
49:34We thought he might like the trade.
49:49Miserable bitch!
49:52I mean, they're wonderful. Don't go.
49:57Well, we could live off a brush.
50:00Ah, but then you wouldn't be Mrs Buttershaw.
50:03No. And I fancy having a do.
50:06I want to buy a hat.
50:08We could find another vicar. I bet they're not all like that.
50:11No, she's put me off. That's it. Now with me and the church.
50:14End of Goodnight Vienna. I have left the building.
50:18Well, where would you like to get wed?
50:20You can get wed anywhere now, you know.
50:23Oh, somewhere classy.
50:26Oh, yeah.
50:28South Harham Hall.
50:30South Harham Hall.
50:32Oh, I used to love South Harham Hall.
50:35Is it still there?
50:37Yeah, as far as I know.
50:39They've not mucked it up?
50:40No, I think it's just as creepy as it ever was.
51:21What's he doing here?
51:23It's my house.
51:26Slapper.
51:29Yeah, whatever.
51:31What do you mean?
51:33Is this what...?
51:35You and him?
51:40Right, I'm off upstairs to get the rest of my stuff.
51:43See you later.
51:46Right, I'm off upstairs to get the rest of my stuff.
51:51I'll be outside.
51:54You really do need your head examined.
52:16Ah!
52:28Hello?
52:30Show up.
52:36Nobody about.
52:37It doesn't look like it.
52:40Hello?
52:45Hello?
52:51Hello?
53:07My cousin Alice saw a ghost here once.
53:10Where?
53:11Er, upstairs.
53:13What was it like?
53:16A woman.
53:33Don't go.
53:35I can't chuck him out. He's got nowhere else to go.
53:38I'll go.
53:39He can't. He... He can't.
53:43He can't.
53:50Don't.
53:52Don't.
54:11I... I think it was this room.
54:22I think it was this room.
54:28She came through that door,
54:31she walked across here,
54:33and disappeared through that wall.
54:49Shall we go?
54:52Palakot?
54:54Let's go.
55:15Hello?
55:16Is anybody there?
55:17Hello?
55:19Telephone.
55:23I've got no reception.
55:25Neither have I.
55:53Oh!
56:10Do you think anyone's realised that we're missing?
56:13I just worry about my dad having his pills on him.
56:15For his heart.
56:16There's somebody up there.
56:18How do you know he hasn't taken her to some hotel
56:20on a wild night of nudge, nudge, wink, wink?
56:22Where the hell are they?
56:24Something weird's happening.
56:25Why's the car there and them not in it?
56:27You still have to stay sober long enough
56:28to actually get it down in black and white.
56:30Piss off!
56:31Do you think they're dead?
56:32What were you doing with that dipstick?
56:34Did you torch my lumber?
56:35I'm not living under the same roof as you
56:36while you're having it off with someone else!
56:38Well, you know where the door is.
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