Joe Wong - RTCA Dinner
- 2 years ago
Good evening, everyone. My name is Joe Wong, but to most people, I’m known as "who?!" which is actually my mother’s maiden name, (laughter) and the answer to my credit card security question. But joking aside, I just want to reassure everybody that I am invited here tonight.
I grew up in China, who didn’t? And my childhood memories are totally ruined by my childhood. When I was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I had to work at a rice paddy right next to a ... quarry where they use explosives to break rocks, and that is where I learned that light travels faster than sound. which is almost as slow as a flying rock.
My dad was a grumpy guy, but occasionally he would try to cheer me up with jokes, but he doesn’t do it right. When I was seven, one day he said to me, "hey son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist economy?" so five minutes later I said "why?" He said "because I said so!"
I came to the United States when I was 24, to study at Rice University in Texas. that wasn’t a joke until now. And I was driving this used car with a lot of bumper stickers that’s impossible to peel off. And one of them said "If you don’t speak English, go home". And I didn’t notice it for two years.
Like many other immigrants, we want our son to become the president of this country and we try to make him bilingual, you know, Chinese at home and English in public, which is really tough to do, because many times I have to say to him in public "Hey listen, if you don’t speak English, go home" And he would say to me, "Hey dad, why do I have to learn 2 languages?" I said "son, once you become the president of the United States, you are going to have sign legislative bills in English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese"
When I graduated from Rice, I decided to stay in the United States, because in China, I can’t do the thing I do best here, being ethnic. And in order for me to become a U.S. citizen, I have to take this American history lessons, where they ask us questions like "Who is Benjamin Franklin?", where I was like "ah, the reason our convenience store gets robbed?" "What’s the Second Amendment?", where I was like "ah, the reason our convenience store gets robbed?" "What is roe vs. wade?", where I was like "ah, two ways of coming to the United States?"
Later on I read so much about the American history that I started to harbor white guilt. In the America they say that all men are created equal, but after birth, it kind of depends on the parents’ income, or early education and health care. I read in the Max House Men’s Health Magazine that President Obama every week has two cardio days and four weight lifting days.
You see, I don’t have to exercise, because I have health insurance. I live in Massachusetts now, where we have universal health care; then we elected Scott Brown (laughter) – talk about mixed messages. I think there was a movie about him – it’s called "Kill Bill"
I grew up in China, who didn’t? And my childhood memories are totally ruined by my childhood. When I was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I had to work at a rice paddy right next to a ... quarry where they use explosives to break rocks, and that is where I learned that light travels faster than sound. which is almost as slow as a flying rock.
My dad was a grumpy guy, but occasionally he would try to cheer me up with jokes, but he doesn’t do it right. When I was seven, one day he said to me, "hey son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist economy?" so five minutes later I said "why?" He said "because I said so!"
I came to the United States when I was 24, to study at Rice University in Texas. that wasn’t a joke until now. And I was driving this used car with a lot of bumper stickers that’s impossible to peel off. And one of them said "If you don’t speak English, go home". And I didn’t notice it for two years.
Like many other immigrants, we want our son to become the president of this country and we try to make him bilingual, you know, Chinese at home and English in public, which is really tough to do, because many times I have to say to him in public "Hey listen, if you don’t speak English, go home" And he would say to me, "Hey dad, why do I have to learn 2 languages?" I said "son, once you become the president of the United States, you are going to have sign legislative bills in English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese"
When I graduated from Rice, I decided to stay in the United States, because in China, I can’t do the thing I do best here, being ethnic. And in order for me to become a U.S. citizen, I have to take this American history lessons, where they ask us questions like "Who is Benjamin Franklin?", where I was like "ah, the reason our convenience store gets robbed?" "What’s the Second Amendment?", where I was like "ah, the reason our convenience store gets robbed?" "What is roe vs. wade?", where I was like "ah, two ways of coming to the United States?"
Later on I read so much about the American history that I started to harbor white guilt. In the America they say that all men are created equal, but after birth, it kind of depends on the parents’ income, or early education and health care. I read in the Max House Men’s Health Magazine that President Obama every week has two cardio days and four weight lifting days.
You see, I don’t have to exercise, because I have health insurance. I live in Massachusetts now, where we have universal health care; then we elected Scott Brown (laughter) – talk about mixed messages. I think there was a movie about him – it’s called "Kill Bill"