Original Song | Who Am I
- 6 years ago
I had a dream, and in that dream I wrote a terrible country song. Like, really terrible. When I woke up, I obviously had an existential crisis. It called into question everything I knew about my identity. If my subconscious intellect is capable of such horrors, WHAT AM I?
That is the real backstory of the writing of this piece, but if that is unsatisfying and you are intent on taking this song seriously, I'll write some more solemn thoughts after the lyrics. Read on.
Bandcamp: https://aniegarner.bandcamp.com/track/who-am-i
Lyrics:
well, i said the things i said inside my head
and maybe keeping cages, it changes what it meant
but where did it come from? where did it Go?
if i don’t let go, then i’ll never grow
and still, i said the things i said inside my head
what am i doing? what am i pRoving?
what am i losing by simply refusing
to open up my eyes? who am i?
what can i do then? what can i use when
all that i knew made a fuse and then blew It?
i’m looking deep inside. who am i?
well, i did some things i think i might regret
but maybe if i name it, i can take it in the end
if i just give in, if i give it a voice
if i don’t decide, and just don’t make a choice
well stilL, i did some things i think i might regret
what am i doing? what am i proving?
what am i Losing by simply refusing
to open up my Eyes? who am i?
what can i Do then? what Can i use when
all that i knew made a fuse and then blew it?
i’m looking deep inside. who am i?
well, i am some things i wisH that i were not
and i could try denial, but i’m lying to my thoughts
i can’t decEive what i can’t beliEve
i don’t wanna stay, but i just can’t leave
cause still, i am Some things i wish that i were not
what am i doing? what am i proving?
what am i losing by simply refusing
to open up my Eyes? who am i?
what can i do then? what can i use when
all that i knew made a fuse and then blew it?
i’m looking deep inside. who am i?
..........
We are closing in on the one year anniversary of the murder case I served on as a juror.
You study a man's life and dissect every moment that led him from being a well-respected family man - a pillar of society who took an oath to care for people and do no harm - and follow it down the path to the man who experimented on his mother, cut people up, and knowingly killed three people. You are instructed to have no sympathy and no prejudice. It is intense and difficult, and terribly interesting.
How can an ordinary, decent man turn into something so abhorrent? I found the process frighteningly gradual and understandable. If you ask me, it really came down to his inability to admit fault or let others help him in any capacity.
In my experience, shining a light on your darkness can prevent the darkness from swallowing you entirely.
That is the real backstory of the writing of this piece, but if that is unsatisfying and you are intent on taking this song seriously, I'll write some more solemn thoughts after the lyrics. Read on.
Bandcamp: https://aniegarner.bandcamp.com/track/who-am-i
Lyrics:
well, i said the things i said inside my head
and maybe keeping cages, it changes what it meant
but where did it come from? where did it Go?
if i don’t let go, then i’ll never grow
and still, i said the things i said inside my head
what am i doing? what am i pRoving?
what am i losing by simply refusing
to open up my eyes? who am i?
what can i do then? what can i use when
all that i knew made a fuse and then blew It?
i’m looking deep inside. who am i?
well, i did some things i think i might regret
but maybe if i name it, i can take it in the end
if i just give in, if i give it a voice
if i don’t decide, and just don’t make a choice
well stilL, i did some things i think i might regret
what am i doing? what am i proving?
what am i Losing by simply refusing
to open up my Eyes? who am i?
what can i Do then? what Can i use when
all that i knew made a fuse and then blew it?
i’m looking deep inside. who am i?
well, i am some things i wisH that i were not
and i could try denial, but i’m lying to my thoughts
i can’t decEive what i can’t beliEve
i don’t wanna stay, but i just can’t leave
cause still, i am Some things i wish that i were not
what am i doing? what am i proving?
what am i losing by simply refusing
to open up my Eyes? who am i?
what can i do then? what can i use when
all that i knew made a fuse and then blew it?
i’m looking deep inside. who am i?
..........
We are closing in on the one year anniversary of the murder case I served on as a juror.
You study a man's life and dissect every moment that led him from being a well-respected family man - a pillar of society who took an oath to care for people and do no harm - and follow it down the path to the man who experimented on his mother, cut people up, and knowingly killed three people. You are instructed to have no sympathy and no prejudice. It is intense and difficult, and terribly interesting.
How can an ordinary, decent man turn into something so abhorrent? I found the process frighteningly gradual and understandable. If you ask me, it really came down to his inability to admit fault or let others help him in any capacity.
In my experience, shining a light on your darkness can prevent the darkness from swallowing you entirely.