“When I look back now, I think, Was my dad going through some of his struggles with his identity,
and my mom having her own struggles as well?” As for his time away from church, he said, “I didn’t miss it.”
When Paula visited for the first time in September 2013, after some hormone replacement
and cosmetic surgery — she declined to discuss the details of her transition, saying it would be inconsiderate of people who cannot afford surgery — Jonathan worried that people would look at her funny or make comments.
“And then later on if they were asking, ‘Well, are you going to hire someone who’s gay?’ at the time I would say, ‘No, we’re not going to hire someone who’s gay, because we’re under the Orchard Group umbrella, and they take a stance
that says this.’ It was an easy excuse for me, ’cause I wasn’t sure at the time what I thought, so it was convenient.
I would sleep and listen to sad music and go to work so I could pay the rent, and that was it.”
When she got to New York and started visiting churches
that described themselves as “gay affirming,” meaning that gay people could participate in all aspects of church life, including marrying within the church, some were too small, some not theologically rigorous enough for her.
In summer 2014 his father visited again, and this time they had a five-hour airing of grievances — “I said things like, ‘You were a bad
parent when I was 16,’” Mr. Williams recalled — after which he introduced his father to his two daughters, who were ages 4 and 6.
He invited a gay speaker to talk about his faith and told the congregation, “You might not all agree with this,
but we’re not after uniformity, we’re after unity, and this is the church we’re going to be now.” He encouraged people of divergent views to stay in the church and shape the conversations.
“And I began to realize to how many of these young pastors I had been a father figure.”
In Brooklyn, Jonathan Williams was still dependent on the good will of people who considered gender reassignment contrary to God’s wishes.