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5 years ago

What It's Really Like To Be In An Arranged Marriage

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Would you ever consider an arranged marriage? Weigh in here: http://www.yourtango.com/20086547/first-comes-marriage-then-comes-love

Liz Tuccillo, writer of Sex and the City and co-author of He's Just Not That Into You, goes around the world to see what single life is like in other countries. Here she heads to India to discuss whether it's possible to fall in love when you're in an arranged marriage.

[TRANSCRIPT]

The divorce rate in India is very low and the divorce rate in America is very high. So I didn’t know if you had any secrets if the Indian people had any secrets how to have a happy marriage. Indian people have a better understanding with each other. They have a very, very well adjustable, Indian peoples. That’s why they are very much happy in marriage.

They adjust and they understand each other. So the expectation of how happy you should be doesn’t really play into it about this idea of oh, you must be happy all the time. Well that again is something we are taught from childhood that happiness is a state of mind and I mean you can be happy with limited resources. And you can be unhappy with unlimited resources. So that’s kind of dinner into you from you childhood. So you always try to be content with what you have. And that, I think, kind of helps a lot in the long run.

The woman you know who are in arranged marriages, they learn to love their husbands. And it works out. It does work out. It’s ok.

You don’t start loving each other on day one. I mean, just now, I met you. I can’t say that I love you. I’m just getting to know you. But as we get to know each other and then slowly, the love blossoms and that’s how it is. And you too? Yea.

It blossoms! And that’s by being affectionate. That’s by being calm. Affectionate, yeah. Taking care of us. Taking care of each other. At times of stress, taking care-

I’m gonna start crying right now.

Was there a moment when you said “I like him.”

Yea.

When was that?

Uh, after about, say one month. One month, you said he’s good. I have good man. Yes. You too?
No. It was only within eight days. Within eight days. Because we went for our honeymoon. Ahhh! So that was where I first really liked him.

And in general what’s the expectation of marriage 20 years from now? Or 10 years. That we should be friends even then. Friends? Instead of ‘Oh, we have to be in love for the rest of our lives’ its more we need to be-It changes! It changes. But we need to be friends for the rest of our lives. Yes I would say we need to be friends. The love will be there. I mean not “in love,” but probably love.

A thing I’ve been hearing is that first you get married, then you start loving them. I think so yea because you learn about each other every day so the love keeps growing. As oppose to an quantum leap and it just kinda crashing down.

You grow to love? Yes. And do you think that now because we want romance and we want to be in love, a soul mate and all that stuff. Do you think that’s ruined us? Uh? Me included? Maybe? Yes. All these crazy options-Yes. It’s terrible! That’s what’s killing us.

It’s killing us, it’s killing me! When you see women today dating, single, out, men, boyfriends, boyfriends, boyfriends, do you think “Oh, I wish I could have done that?” or do you think “No, I don’t like it.” You don’t miss anything? You don’t miss anything? Nothing, nothing. No. You like being married? Yea. You’re saying everyone should go for an arranged marriage.

Yea. Am I too old for an arranged marriage? Yes. I am? Maybe if you throw two people together and make them take care of each other for a couple of decades, it ends up not working out so badly. I mean is there a way of spending 20 years of dating that fantastic of an idea? And my favorite thing is, If you’re single in idea, you’re definitely not in it alone.

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