Going From Friends-With-Benefits To Boyfriend
- 7 years ago
"How do you turn friends-with-benefits into something more?"
We asked the top love experts to give the final word on the most-asked relationship and dating questions. This is "The Final Word."
For more on friends with benefits, visit YourTango.com!
How Can I Find A Friend With Benefits?
http://www.yourtango.com/201074143/how-can-i-find-friend-benefits
Kick The Friends With Benefits Habit
http://www.yourtango.com/20087563/kicking-the-friends-with-benefits-habit
YourTango is your source for smart talk about love, sex, dating and relationships. Whether you're married, single, taken, engaged or "it's complicated," check out our videos for the best love and relationship news, entertainment and advice.
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http://www.yourtango.com | Smart Talk About Love
transcript of video:
How do I change our friends-with-benefits into a long-term relationship?
That's common.
You don't.
That's pretty much all there is to it.
That's a tricky question, I'm not going to lie.
Friends with benefits that start typically never, never, friends with a lot more than benefits.
If you have feelings, um, doesn't really matter unless he also has feelings. And if he has feelings, he'll probably act on his feelings.
You've established the precedent that there are no strings attached, the guy's used to it; expectations have now shifted.
You can never just have sex with someone and think that it's purely physical. There will always be an emotional component to sex.
You have only one option. You have to sit down and you have to talk to this person. You have to tell them exactly how you feel.
There are subtle ways to hint at the fact that you're ready to take it to the next step.
Now, know going in to this conversation that there's a high likelihood that they are now going to dismiss you.
If he thinks it comes to easily, he might want to keep it in that friends with benefit zone for a long time.
If anything, I'd caution you from getting deeper involved. I would probably cut off your sexual relationship before things go much further because you're bound to get more emotionally invested and therefore get hurt.
It might be dating other people and him seeing that you're this vibrant, awesome woman who's getting out there and then he might work harder for you.
If he asks why you're pulling away, and cutting off that relationship. tell him the truth: I'm starting to have feelings for you and I don't think it's heathy because I don't think this is going anywhere.
You have to be very honest with yourself, and by being honest with yourself, you have to be honest with him.
If he wants to step up and be your boyfriend, he's going to step up and be your boyfriend 'cause he knows the opportunity is there.
So I wish you the best but going into that conversation realize that it's going to be a tough one.
Protect yourself, and protect your heart and go invest your time in the guy who does wanna be your boyfriend, not the guy who just wants to be your once-a-week-guy.
We asked the top love experts to give the final word on the most-asked relationship and dating questions. This is "The Final Word."
For more on friends with benefits, visit YourTango.com!
How Can I Find A Friend With Benefits?
http://www.yourtango.com/201074143/how-can-i-find-friend-benefits
Kick The Friends With Benefits Habit
http://www.yourtango.com/20087563/kicking-the-friends-with-benefits-habit
YourTango is your source for smart talk about love, sex, dating and relationships. Whether you're married, single, taken, engaged or "it's complicated," check out our videos for the best love and relationship news, entertainment and advice.
Follow us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/yourtango
Become friends on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/YourTango
http://www.yourtango.com | Smart Talk About Love
transcript of video:
How do I change our friends-with-benefits into a long-term relationship?
That's common.
You don't.
That's pretty much all there is to it.
That's a tricky question, I'm not going to lie.
Friends with benefits that start typically never, never, friends with a lot more than benefits.
If you have feelings, um, doesn't really matter unless he also has feelings. And if he has feelings, he'll probably act on his feelings.
You've established the precedent that there are no strings attached, the guy's used to it; expectations have now shifted.
You can never just have sex with someone and think that it's purely physical. There will always be an emotional component to sex.
You have only one option. You have to sit down and you have to talk to this person. You have to tell them exactly how you feel.
There are subtle ways to hint at the fact that you're ready to take it to the next step.
Now, know going in to this conversation that there's a high likelihood that they are now going to dismiss you.
If he thinks it comes to easily, he might want to keep it in that friends with benefit zone for a long time.
If anything, I'd caution you from getting deeper involved. I would probably cut off your sexual relationship before things go much further because you're bound to get more emotionally invested and therefore get hurt.
It might be dating other people and him seeing that you're this vibrant, awesome woman who's getting out there and then he might work harder for you.
If he asks why you're pulling away, and cutting off that relationship. tell him the truth: I'm starting to have feelings for you and I don't think it's heathy because I don't think this is going anywhere.
You have to be very honest with yourself, and by being honest with yourself, you have to be honest with him.
If he wants to step up and be your boyfriend, he's going to step up and be your boyfriend 'cause he knows the opportunity is there.
So I wish you the best but going into that conversation realize that it's going to be a tough one.
Protect yourself, and protect your heart and go invest your time in the guy who does wanna be your boyfriend, not the guy who just wants to be your once-a-week-guy.